We all want to have better orgasms. However, how do we learn to get them if we don’t talk about them? For most women, masturbation and orgasms have long been fascinating, but taboo, topics of conversation. At some stage in our lives, nearly all women find orgasms challenging to achieve. The most extensive study on women’s pleasure in the U.S., which surveyed 1,055 women between the ages 18 and 94, found that only 18.4% of women reach orgasm through intercourse and 9 % of women reported never having an orgasm (Herbenick et. al., 2018).
Struggling to reach orgasm can make you feel like there is something wrong with you. I felt like I was broken for many years throughout my late adolescents and early-mid twenties because of this struggle. Additionally, the entertaining industry portraying women as sex objects does not help this notion either – representing women as perfect, sex objects eager to be pleased. When growing up if we don’t feel you fit the mold of what we are shown women should be then what are we supposed to think? The truth is we’re complicated creatures. You need to be patient, calm down and learn about your body.
Related: How to Use Meditation to Relieve Depression
For women achieving that elusive big ‘O’ is heavily dependent on our minds. A study by Kontula & Miettinen (2016) found that the amount of masturbation and practice with different sexual partners didn’t increase the number of orgasms women had. Frequent orgasms were dependent on mental and relationship factors. If you are distracted, stressed, struggle with low body-image or self-esteem, have a negative view of sex, aren’t open about your sexual desires with your partner, don’t value the importance of an orgasm or are trying to force yourself to reach orgasm, you’re going to have a hard time getting there.
Benefits of Regular Orgasms
- Stimulates release of oxytocin and dopamine which help to curb your appetite, reduce depression and stress (Dr. Natasha Turner ND, 2018).
- Increase libido through boosts of testosterone. If you don’t use it, you lose it (Exton et al., 1999).
- Sleep better. Oxytocin and vasopressin are both released during orgasm and associated with melatonin for sleep – explaining why we often fall into a deep slumber after sex (Kruger & Hughes, 2011).
- Reduces cardiovascular risk later in life for women (Liu et al., 2016)
- Boosts the immune system by increasing the number of natural killer cells in your blood (Haake et al., 2004).
How Meditation Helps Enhance Your Orgasms
So, you either want to enhance your orgasms or you want to start having them more frequently? Meditation can help you reach your orgasm goals. Practicing meditation teaches you about controlling your breath and calming your mind. Meditation helps us to take a moment to de-stress, clear our focus away from our never-ending daily to-do list and focus on how our bodies feel in the moment. We can then use this moment of peace and focus on relaxing even further and sinking into ecstasy.
Related: 7 Body Positivity TED Talks with Journal Prompts
How To Use Meditation for Better Orgasms
- Set the scene and get comfortable lying down. Have your favorite lubricants or toys on hand. Dim the lights, put on some sexy lingerie, start with a massage, maybe light some scented candles. P.S. If you haven’t tried coconut oil try it… it’s the best.
- Next, start your meditation practice as usual by focusing on your breath and slowly breathe in and out deeply into your stomach. Use a count of seven. Breathe in for a count of seven and out for a count of seven.
- While you are breathing starting at your toes scan your body and observe how you feel. Are there any areas that are in pain? Where do you feel most relaxed?
- As per every meditation when you notice your mind starting to wander, gently push the thought aside and move back to your breath. Remember to be kind to yourself. This process is all about self-love.
- Once your mind is relaxed, and you are comfortable, let the sexual exploration begin. Every time you get distracted go back to focusing on pleasure and breathing deeply.
- Enjoy better orgasms.
Masturbation Resources Around the Web:
- Healthline: How to Masturbate with a Vagina: 28 Tips and Tricks for Solo Play
- Cosmopolitan: PSA: Here’s Your Guide to Hands-On Solo Sex
- Refinery 29: You Can Teach Yourself How To Orgasm — Here’s How
- Mind Body Green: The Tantric Practice Of Sacred Masturbation + How To Have An Orgasm Anytime, Anywhere
What helps you relax and get in the mood when you are stressed out? Please comment below
References:
- Alisa. (2017). Top 10 Health Benefits of Orgasm for Women. Retrieved from https://www.floliving.com/top-10-health-benefits-of-orgasm-for-women/
- Debby Herbenick, Tsung-Chieh (Jane) Fu, Jennifer Arter, Stephanie A. Sanders & Brian Dodge. (2018). Women’s Experiences With Genital Touching, Sexual Pleasure, and Orgasm: Results From a U.S. Probability Sample of Women Ages 18 to 94, Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 44(2), 201-212, DOI: 10.1080/0092623X.2017.1346530
- Dr. Natasha Turner. (2018). Five Unexpected Health Benefits of Orgasms. DR. Natasha Turner ND’S Blog. Retrieved from https://drnatashaturner.com/five-unexpected-health-benefits-orgasms/
- Exton MS, Bindert A, Krüger T, Scheller F, Hartmann U, & Schedlowski M. (1999). Cardiovascular and endocrine alterations after masturbation-induced orgasm in women. Psychosom Med., 61(3), 280-289. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/10367606
- Haake P., Krueger T., Goebel M., Heberling K., Hartmann U., & Schedlowski M. (2004). Effects of sexual arousal on lymphocyte subset circulation and cytokine production in man. Neuroimmunomodulation, 11(5), 293-298. DOI: 10.1159/000079409
- Kontula, O., & Miettinen, A. (2016). Determinants of female sexual orgasms. Socioaffective Neuroscience & Psychology, 6, 31624. DOI:10.3402/snp.v6.31624
- Kruger, D. J., & Hughes, S. M. (2011). Tendencies to fall asleep first after sex are associated with greater partner desires for bonding and affection. Journal of Social, Evolutionary, and Cultural Psychology, 5(4), 239-247. http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/h0099259
- Liu, H., Waite, L. J., Shen, S., & Wang, D. H. (2016). Is Sex Good for Your Health? A National Study on Partnered Sexuality and Cardiovascular Risk among Older Men and Women. Journal of health and social behavior, 57(3), 276–296. DOI:10.1177/0022146516661597